Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Applause for the stripper - Army joke

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory. To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer from the nearby town.
She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes.
For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G string. This time the applause went for 10 minutes.
The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.
For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage.
The Major asks her, "What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?"
She replied with a wicked smile, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?"

Truth in Labeling - Military story

My daughter recently bought a cap at an Army-navy surplus store, and I was startled to note that the label attached to it was almost bigger than the cap itself. Possible indicating the direction in which increasing government regulations are taking all of us.
GENUINE Government Issue
100% Wool WATCH CAP
Made to DEPARTMENT of DEFENSE SPECIFICATION
MADE IN U.S.A.
MILITARY SPECIFICATION CAP, KNIT (WATCH) MIL-C-16472F
3.4.1. WOOL--100%, 54's US Standard, 2 ply worsted
3.4.1.2 MOTHPROOFING--in accordance with MIL-C-43665.
3.4.2 KNITTED FABRIC--Wales per inch--six (6)Courses per inch--14Half cardigan--1 x 1 rib
3.4.3 THREAD--Vat dyed Black AA, cable no. 66043
3.4.3.1 COLORFASTNESS--Fastness to light, laundering, perspiration
3.7 DESIGN--bell-shpaed, pull over style, crown shaped with four (4) darts
3.10 MEASUREMENT--Length 11 to 12 1/2 inched (27.94 to 31.75 cm)
3.11 FINISHED WEIGHT--not less than 3 1/4 ounces (92.13 g)
WASHING INSTRUCTIONS--Hand wash, cold water, falt dry

SAFE FALL

Paratrooper Hooley had a delayed opening of his chute during a training jump resulting in a heavy impact on landing.
"Were you much hurt in the fall, Hooley?" asked his friend?
"Not a bit did the fall hurt me, but the stop at the ground broke my leg," explained the paratrooper who recalled the briefing on precision in reports.

Military Medical Research

RESEARCHERS BAFFLED

The U.S. Navy Medical Corps has concluded an extensive pharmaceutical study in which an equal number of sailors and marines were administered weekly doses of Viagra.

Researchers are at a loss to explain why all of the sailors achieved enhanced sexual prowess, while the Marines simply grew taller.