Fred mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride.
He sits down next to a guy that jerks his head to the left every few seconds, over and over. This really bothers Fred so he asks him, “What’s wrong with you?”
The reply is, “I got this in the war.”
Fred finds this pretty disturbing so he switches seats.
The next guy he sits by has uncontrollable spastic twitches in his right leg, causing him to kick the seat in front of him, and even kicks Fred a few times.
So Fred asks him, “What is wrong with you?”
Again the answer is, “I got this in the war.”
Fred moves.
The next guy poor Fred sits by begins erratically flailing his left hand. Fred says, “Let me guess, you got that in the war?”
His reply was, “No, I got it out of my nose. I can’t get it off of my hand.”
Friday, June 04, 2010
Gun Barrel
A man joins the crew of a ship. After a few days he gets restless and asks “What does one do about sex around here?”
The others direct him to a large gun barrel with a hole in it. At first he does not like the idea much but, when he tries it, he finds it surprisingly enjoyable. He has another go the next day, and again the day after.
Then he asks, “Can I do this every day?”.
“Yes, every day, except Wednesdays”.
“Why not on Wednesdays?”
“Wednesdays is YOUR turn inside the barrel!”
The others direct him to a large gun barrel with a hole in it. At first he does not like the idea much but, when he tries it, he finds it surprisingly enjoyable. He has another go the next day, and again the day after.
Then he asks, “Can I do this every day?”.
“Yes, every day, except Wednesdays”.
“Why not on Wednesdays?”
“Wednesdays is YOUR turn inside the barrel!”
Stealth Bomber at the Rose Parade
The Pasadena Tournament of Roses parade was buzzed by a B-2 stealth bomber as part of the salute to the Air Force. Reportedly, nobody noticed.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
British Army's answering machine
HELLO …? IS THAT THE BRITISH ARMY?
“Thank you for calling the British Army. I am sorry but all our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country of origin, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis and a number to call you.”
“As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Northern Ireland, The Firemen, Iraq 2, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and equal opportunities training, we will return your call.”
“Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following.”
“If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.”
“If your problem is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by a few low risk – low level bombing runs, press # for the Royal Air Force. – Please note this service is not available after 16:30 or at weekends.”
“If your enquiry concerns a situation that can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flag waving and a really good marching band, please write WELL in advance to the First Sea Lord, The Admiralty, London.”
“If your enquiry is not urgent. Press 2 for the Allied Rapid Reaction Corps.”
“If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, train to be a fire-fighter, execute regime changes in hot places, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilisation, and be prepared to work your arse off daily with leave being cancelled at short notice, whilst watching the treasury erode your original conditions of service and career – your call will be connected to a bitter, passed-over recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop out of town.”
“Thank you for calling the British Army!”
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Fun fact
In 1871, after the unification of Germany, Berlin was the center of the largest military parade of its history and a special “Commemoration Beer” was served. Although exactly the same as the regular brew, restaurants charged a few pennies more because of its historical significance.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Wooden decoy - wooden bomb. Funny military fact
Another enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood.
There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.
The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.
The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. And early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.
from the book: The Amazing Camouflage Deceptions of World War II, by Seymour Reit
There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.
The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.
The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. And early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.
from the book: The Amazing Camouflage Deceptions of World War II, by Seymour Reit
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
You might have a redneck in your military unit if...
... the cadence calls he wrote for the unit, are accompanied by dueling banjos.
... he keeps asking the MPs to take the guard dogs hunting.
... his ACUs have cut off sleeves.
... he asks if you have a tank made by John Deere.
... he thinks "Smokey and the Bandit" was a war film.
... you notice during inspection that his bunk has two holes in the bed sheet.
... he thinks BDUs are formal wear.
... his uniform nametape says "Billy Bob".
... he puts deer whistles on the front of the tank.
... he has a gun rack on his backpack.
... he asks which M.R.E. has 'possum
... he throws himself up against the wall every time the MPs walk by.
... you find live bait in his footlocker.
... he puts an 8-track tape player in the humvee.
... if he refers to the field latrine as 'modern technology'.
... he tries to design a new beret, out of a hubcap.
... he needs little training during basic on how to throw a grenade. How many times can he get by with 'pull pin, throw pin, wait for explosion'?
... he keeps asking the MPs to take the guard dogs hunting.
... his ACUs have cut off sleeves.
... he asks if you have a tank made by John Deere.
... he thinks "Smokey and the Bandit" was a war film.
... you notice during inspection that his bunk has two holes in the bed sheet.
... he thinks BDUs are formal wear.
... his uniform nametape says "Billy Bob".
... he puts deer whistles on the front of the tank.
... he has a gun rack on his backpack.
... he asks which M.R.E. has 'possum
... he throws himself up against the wall every time the MPs walk by.
... you find live bait in his footlocker.
... he puts an 8-track tape player in the humvee.
... if he refers to the field latrine as 'modern technology'.
... he tries to design a new beret, out of a hubcap.
... he needs little training during basic on how to throw a grenade. How many times can he get by with 'pull pin, throw pin, wait for explosion'?
Agent Orange - Military fun fact
Agent Orange was the US Army’s code name for an herbicide used widely by the United States during the Vietnam War between 1961 and 1970. Agent Orange was called so because of the orange stripes found on the sides of the herbecide containers. Other code-named herbicides used by the US Army in moderate to large quantities during this timeframe include Agent Blue (cacodylic acid), Agent White (4:1 mixture of 2,4-D and picloram), Agent Purple, and Agent Pink. Their names were derived from the color of the stripes on the barrels used to transport them.
Agent Orange was found to have toxic dioxin breakdown byproducts which have been blamed for causing health disorders and birth defects in both the Vietnamese population and U.S. war veterans. It has also been found to have carcinogenic properties.
The official military purpose of the herbicides was to remove the leaves of trees to deny the Viet Cong cover. However, an April 2003 report paid for by the National Academy of Sciences concluded that during the Vietnam War, 3,181 villages were sprayed directly with herbicides. Between 2.1 and 4.8 million people “would have been present during the spraying.” Furthermore, many U.S. military personnel were also sprayed or came in contact with herbicides in recently sprayed areas.
The study was originally undertaken for the U.S. military to get a better count of how many veterans served in sprayed areas. Researchers were given access to military records and Air Force operational folders previously not studied.
The re-estimate made by the report places the 1961 to 1971 volume of herbicides sprayed between 1961 and 1971 to a level 7,131,907 liters more than an “uncorrected” estimate published in 1974 and 9.4 million more liters than a 1974 “corrected” inventory.
It was produced under contract for the Army by Diamond Shamrock, Dow, Hercules, Monsanto, T-H Agricultural & Nutrition, Thompson Chemicals, and Uniroyal. About 75 million liters of the agent were used during the course of the Vietnam War.
Agent Orange was a roughly 1:1 mixture of the herbicides 2,4-D (2,4-dichlorophenoxyacetic acid) and 2,4,5-T (2,4,5-trichlorophenoxyacetic acid). These herbicides were developed during the 1940s for use in controlling broad-leaf plants. First introduced in 1947, they rapidly gained acceptance, and their use was considered an integral agricultural practice by the middle of the 1950s.
Although Agent Orange as a military defoliant was discontinued in 1971, both 2,4-D and 2,4,5-T continue to be widely used independently as effective herbicides.
In 1980, New Jersey created the New Jersey Agent Orange Commission, the first state commission created to study the effects of Agent Orange. Over the years, the Commission in association with Rutgers University created ground-breaking research on Vietnam veterans. The Commission’s research project was called “The Pointman Project”. The Commission was disbanded by Governor Christine Todd Whitman in 1996.
Lawsuits
On January 31, 2004, a Vietnamese victim’s rights group, on behalf of three injured persons, filed a lawsuit in a Federal Court in Brooklyn, New York, against several unnamed US companies, for liability in causing personal injury, by developing and producing the chemical. Dow Chemical and Monsanto were the two largest producers of Agent Orange for the US Military. A number of lawsuits by American GI’s have been won in the years since the Vietnam War.
----------------------------------------------------
Agent Orange is also the name of a short song by singer Tori Amos. It appeared on her 1996 album Boys For Pele. The song has nothing to do with Agent Orange the chemical. It is a nickname given to her long-time bodyguard Joel because of the tan color of his skin.
----------------------------------------------------
Agent Orange was also the name of a punk rock band from Orange County, California.
Agent Orange was found to have toxic dioxin breakdown byproducts which have been blamed for causing health disorders and birth defects in both the Vietnamese population and U.S. war veterans. It has also been found to have carcinogenic properties.
The official military purpose of the herbicides was to remove the leaves of trees to deny the Viet Cong cover. However, an April 2003 report paid for by the National Academy of Sciences concluded that during the Vietnam War, 3,181 villages were sprayed directly with herbicides. Between 2.1 and 4.8 million people “would have been present during the spraying.” Furthermore, many U.S. military personnel were also sprayed or came in contact with herbicides in recently sprayed areas.
The study was originally undertaken for the U.S. military to get a better count of how many veterans served in sprayed areas. Researchers were given access to military records and Air Force operational folders previously not studied.
The re-estimate made by the report places the 1961 to 1971 volume of herbicides sprayed between 1961 and 1971 to a level 7,131,907 liters more than an “uncorrected” estimate published in 1974 and 9.4 million more liters than a 1974 “corrected” inventory.
It was produced under contract for the Army by Diamond Shamrock, Dow, Hercules, Monsanto, T-H Agricultural & Nutrition, Thompson Chemicals, and Uniroyal. About 75 million liters of the agent were used during the course of the Vietnam War.
Agent Orange was a roughly 1:1 mixture of the herbicides 2,4-D (2,4-dichlorophenoxyacetic acid) and 2,4,5-T (2,4,5-trichlorophenoxyacetic acid). These herbicides were developed during the 1940s for use in controlling broad-leaf plants. First introduced in 1947, they rapidly gained acceptance, and their use was considered an integral agricultural practice by the middle of the 1950s.
Although Agent Orange as a military defoliant was discontinued in 1971, both 2,4-D and 2,4,5-T continue to be widely used independently as effective herbicides.
In 1980, New Jersey created the New Jersey Agent Orange Commission, the first state commission created to study the effects of Agent Orange. Over the years, the Commission in association with Rutgers University created ground-breaking research on Vietnam veterans. The Commission’s research project was called “The Pointman Project”. The Commission was disbanded by Governor Christine Todd Whitman in 1996.
Lawsuits
On January 31, 2004, a Vietnamese victim’s rights group, on behalf of three injured persons, filed a lawsuit in a Federal Court in Brooklyn, New York, against several unnamed US companies, for liability in causing personal injury, by developing and producing the chemical. Dow Chemical and Monsanto were the two largest producers of Agent Orange for the US Military. A number of lawsuits by American GI’s have been won in the years since the Vietnam War.
----------------------------------------------------
Agent Orange is also the name of a short song by singer Tori Amos. It appeared on her 1996 album Boys For Pele. The song has nothing to do with Agent Orange the chemical. It is a nickname given to her long-time bodyguard Joel because of the tan color of his skin.
----------------------------------------------------
Agent Orange was also the name of a punk rock band from Orange County, California.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Interservice bravery...
An Army General, a Marine General and a Navy Admiral are all sitting around discussing whose's service is better and whose troops are more braver.
The Admiral (well into his second or third ice tea) announces to the group, " My SEALS are the BEST in the world and to prove it I'll have one do the impossiple" as he raeches for the phone.
Well the other two commanders are in an uproar and each one promply calls for his best soldier.
When all three representives have arrived, the Admiral states "Since it was my idea, I'm first" and turning to the SEAL, he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those 10 miles of shark infested waters, climb up that shear cliff and return with with 2 bird eggs... unbroken of course.". The SEAL (being the highly trained soldier that he is) turned runnig towards the cliff.
After performing a triple-linddy into the water, the SEAL swam across the 10 miles (all the while beating off sharks with his bare hands) and reaching the far cliff, he began climbing.
Near the top of the cliff, he grabs the two eggs and starts back down (all the time, fighting off mean birds). Upon reaching the sea he swims back across (once again fighting off sharks) and climbs back up the first cliff. He then runs back over to the Admiral and hands him the 2 unbroken eggs.
The Marine General says "that wasn't nothing",and turning to the Force Recon Marine he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those waters, climb that other cliff,then move across the 4 miles of unmapped jungle and bring me back 2 eggs from the mountain on the other side of the jungle." And with that the Force Recon moved-out. Traveling down the cliff, swimming across the sea, climbing the far cliff, moving through the jungle and upon reaching the 2 eggs, he heads back (all the while fighting off lions, tigers, bears, sharks, and mean birds).Finally reaching the General, the Marine hands him the eggs.
The Army General then says" Very nice gentlemen, but heres true bravery" and turning towards his BEST (an Airborne Infantryman), he says " I want you to go down that cliff, across that sea, up the far cliff, thru the 4 miles of unmapped jungle, over the mountain and bring me back 2 eggs from the forest on the other side".
The Paratrooper looks at the General, then the cliff, and again back to the General, where he says "SCREW YOU SIR!", renders a proper hand salute and walks away.
The Genertal turn towards the other two (both with their jaws on the table) and says" Now gentlemen, thats BRAVERY....
The Admiral (well into his second or third ice tea) announces to the group, " My SEALS are the BEST in the world and to prove it I'll have one do the impossiple" as he raeches for the phone.
Well the other two commanders are in an uproar and each one promply calls for his best soldier.
When all three representives have arrived, the Admiral states "Since it was my idea, I'm first" and turning to the SEAL, he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those 10 miles of shark infested waters, climb up that shear cliff and return with with 2 bird eggs... unbroken of course.". The SEAL (being the highly trained soldier that he is) turned runnig towards the cliff.
After performing a triple-linddy into the water, the SEAL swam across the 10 miles (all the while beating off sharks with his bare hands) and reaching the far cliff, he began climbing.
Near the top of the cliff, he grabs the two eggs and starts back down (all the time, fighting off mean birds). Upon reaching the sea he swims back across (once again fighting off sharks) and climbs back up the first cliff. He then runs back over to the Admiral and hands him the 2 unbroken eggs.
The Marine General says "that wasn't nothing",and turning to the Force Recon Marine he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those waters, climb that other cliff,then move across the 4 miles of unmapped jungle and bring me back 2 eggs from the mountain on the other side of the jungle." And with that the Force Recon moved-out. Traveling down the cliff, swimming across the sea, climbing the far cliff, moving through the jungle and upon reaching the 2 eggs, he heads back (all the while fighting off lions, tigers, bears, sharks, and mean birds).Finally reaching the General, the Marine hands him the eggs.
The Army General then says" Very nice gentlemen, but heres true bravery" and turning towards his BEST (an Airborne Infantryman), he says " I want you to go down that cliff, across that sea, up the far cliff, thru the 4 miles of unmapped jungle, over the mountain and bring me back 2 eggs from the forest on the other side".
The Paratrooper looks at the General, then the cliff, and again back to the General, where he says "SCREW YOU SIR!", renders a proper hand salute and walks away.
The Genertal turn towards the other two (both with their jaws on the table) and says" Now gentlemen, thats BRAVERY....
Top 10 List: Reasons Army Impacted Family Life
10. Last night you had a dream and everyone was using acronyms.
9. You think Ft. Polk is a resort area.
8. You have 3 sons and their names are Riley, Hood, and Stewert.
7. Your baby’s first words were Hooha!!!
6. Your relatives refuse to write your phone # down in ink in their address book.
5. You have a bumper sticker that reads, I’d rather be packing out!!
4. Your spouse tells you they are going TDY and you immediately think of ways how to spend the extra money!
3. Your children ask if they can go to the PX while you are on leave.
2. Every time there is a threat of any kind in the world, your mom calls and asks if your spouse knows anything about it.
……and the number one reason
1. When you go the PX, your 10 month old calls out daddy to anyone wearing a set of BDU’S
9. You think Ft. Polk is a resort area.
8. You have 3 sons and their names are Riley, Hood, and Stewert.
7. Your baby’s first words were Hooha!!!
6. Your relatives refuse to write your phone # down in ink in their address book.
5. You have a bumper sticker that reads, I’d rather be packing out!!
4. Your spouse tells you they are going TDY and you immediately think of ways how to spend the extra money!
3. Your children ask if they can go to the PX while you are on leave.
2. Every time there is a threat of any kind in the world, your mom calls and asks if your spouse knows anything about it.
……and the number one reason
1. When you go the PX, your 10 month old calls out daddy to anyone wearing a set of BDU’S
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
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